"Are we human, or are we dancers?"

March 22nd. What a glorious day. Can you feel it?

Freedom.

A life of no rehearsals for World of Dance, Lecture Demonstrations, Ballet in Concert, Winterfest, Tour, or the random little performances in between. As you may remember, I have been trying to "put on a happy face." I sure picked the week for it, too. I really should have waited until after Ballet in Concert...

Okay, okay, the performances were pretty good. Saturday night went well and that was the one that mattered, so I'm happy. I got to see the fam! Mom, dad, Nick and Josh come up to see the performance every year, so that was fun. Introduced "the boy" to them, and I think everyone survived! All in all, life is pretty dang good. We somehow survived Ballet in Concert, and now we move on to putting together our tour show once again for the performance on Friday in the conference center. Wish us luck on that one. And then we move on to tour for a week in Washington, and then it's March 22! Cannot wait.

Oh and guess what?

I love Kyle. Yep. It's happened. Kim Dorland has given in to love, and gets to be loved by Kyle Paiser. And I LOVE his family. From swinging by to meet mom and dad one night, (although Kyle will tell you I didn't want to), to Emmy and Aaron's wedding, to mom's birthday party. Love them. So life is good. Really good. :)

"The more I know, the less I understand."

This whole 'try to be happy all day' thing is going to be harder than I thought. I was doing good. I got to bed early (for me) giving me 6 hours of sleep instead of 4. So work was fine, and then classes were pretty good, and I even ate lunch! So I was doing good.

And then came rehearsal.

We ran through our show, with costumes, to get a feel for the quick changes and deal with problems and all that jazz.
My thoughts as the night went on:
1. "Okay, that was probably the worst Thomas and I have done that pas. Ever."
2. "WHY did I choose to wear new point shoes?!"
3. "No. No I am not ready. So stop asking like you'll give us a second to catch our breath before the next piece."
4. "Um...it's hard to dance "sexy" while wearing THIS."
5. "DO YOU THINK WE'RE MACHINES??"

Let's hope for a better tomorrow...

"Wa-hoo"

I.Q. If you have not seen this movie, get on it. Fantastic. I think Walter Matthau is one of the cutest men ever. So I'm sitting on the couch watching this fantastic movie, in my Thing 1 and Thing 2 onesie and drinking hot apple cider, and I have about 30 million things running through my head. Most of these, I am sorry to say, you won't be reading about. For different reasons, don't worry. Most of them don't matter, some of them no one, (including me sometimes), won't understand, and others, well, too many people can read this - hi babe. :) Anyway, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. I don't know if it's stress, or lack of sleep, but I swear I'm preggers sometimes. I've been getting upset over the smallest things. EVERYTHING annoys me some days. I have no idea why. And it's not only annoyance, but every other emotion as well. Friday in the middle of ballet I had a breakdown. Came out of no where. I just realized that I'm not THAT great of a dancer. I'm watching the others in class, and I'm surrounded by these amazing girls that look simply BEAUTIFUL. And most of them just dance for fun. They love it, but have other plans for life. And there I stand. Wondering - should I really hope for a spot in a company when I graduate? I don't think I would make it. And then it hits me - I have done nothing else with my life. Dance. That's all that it's ever been about. What the heck am I going to do with my life if I don't get into a company? ANYWAY, I walk out of class, cry in the bathroom stall for 5-10 minutes, and came back for rehearsal where I'm supposed to act sexy, ha ha. Point of the story, is that things like that kept happening last week. So it is my goal this week to just be happy. To not let little things bother me. I mean, I'm a happy person in general, I really am. I love life. So I'll let you know how things go. In other news, Ballet in Concert is coming up! Crazy. It's going to be a fun show. Buy your tickets people, because I haven't put this much blood, sweat and tears into this show for nothing!